Batman RIP
by zooman
Summary: My story is based on an idea that Spencer Tracey had to end the show, had he been cast as the Penguin. My story is literally a final episode of the tv series, as Batman finally meets his death at the hands of the Penguin.


Batman R.I.P.

PROLOGUE-GOTHAM CITY-1979

It was a chilly fall day in Gotham City that Monday morning. The Gotham Exclusive Bank was just opening for business. The short, chubby, male chinese bank guard was slowly pulling open the door to the brown and gray coloured building (the letters GOTHAM EXCLUSIVE BANK in big, silver block letters along the middle of the building). The wind rustled the man's long dark hair and dark brown security uniform.

A second later, the bank truck pulled up on the street directly behind the occupied chinese man. The brown and gray coloured vehicle with the words GOTHAM EXCLUSIVE BANK, painted in silver block letters along the very top of the truck.

The bank was surrounded by two mini marts a short distance from both sides of it-The WAYNE FARMER MARKET (read the title of the marts in black letters on the small white building on the right of the bank, and THE KEATON MINI MART (read the title in yellow block letters along the top of the building on the left side of the bank).

Then, a very weird looking purple car suddenly drove up onto the street behind the bank truck. The car had a large image of a white clown face along the entire front end of the vehicle. The clown face image was depicted as making an evil grin and sinister looking eyes. The tires of the car had images of a creepy. red lipped grin along the spokes, showing bright yellow teeth and a blue tongue. As the fast moving car braked to a stop, a loud mechanical sounding laughter came out of the engine.

The chinese bank guard quickly spun around and made a very surprised and bewildered gaze at the purple car. The man took off his brown security hat for a second and scratched his head. "What the heck?" the man asked quietly to himself.

The doors to the bank truck swished open and two middle aged bank security guards jumped down from their car seats and also looked surprised and more than a little creeped out at the strange purple car. One of the guards was a seventy year old black man with a thick moustache and the other guard was a young slim woman with wavy red hair and freckles. Both of the guards just stood there, watching the purple car, shaking their heads and folding their arms over their brown uniforms. "Strangest car I ever seen," noted the young woman as she raised her eyebrows. "Very weird," added the seventy year old bank guard, puzzled.

Suddenly, the whole roof of the purple car went flying upwards in a stream of dark green smoke!

The three bank guards went running in wildly in all directions, dodging the flying purple car top and coughing at the dark green smoke which was quickly enveloping them.

The purple car top flew very high upwards, so high that it was out of sight, and then fell back down on the roof of the bank building.

A gigantic purple fist made of some kind of obvious hard plastic, bounced up out of the car, (a loud, mechanical sounding BONNNNNNNNNNG sound) straight up admidst the outpouring of dark green smoke. The purple, plastic fist was HUGE! It was about the size of a large tv set, and the purple fist flew up and smashed right into the top left side of the bank building. The purple fist hit the building with such tremendous force (there was a very loud explosion as the purple fist struck) that the whole entire structure immediately collapsed into a pile of bricks and splinters!

The three bank guards just kept running around in every direction, surrounded by the dark green gas which continued to spray out of the strange purple car. The three people just stood coughed and coughed, and looked completely disorientated.

The only left side standing/remaining of the destroyed bank building, was a giant sized black silver, rectangular bank vault with a giant sized bronze statute of an s with a line going down the middle of it, standing on the top of the vault. GOTHAM EXCLUSIVE BANK VAULT, read the brown logo painted along the middle of the vault.

The three bank guards were coughing so violently now that all three of them fell down on their backs on the morning street.

The three of them saw a sixty something year old man wearing a loud purple jacket and purple pants and boots, a white shirt and a purple and green striped tie come jumping out of the driver's seat in the car and land on his feet right outside the ruined bank, surrounded by all the dark green gas still issuing out of the car. The three guards noticed that the man had wavy green hair and a white painted face and red clown lips. He had a green moustache and a green goatee. He wore purple gloves. The man jumped up and down while waving his arms and laughing hysterically. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed and shouted, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The ten million! ALL MINE! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The chinese bank guard stared up in horror at the laughing clown. "OH MY GOD," the man shuddered helplessly, he was still coughing from the dark green gas spraying all over him, "THAT CLOWN FIEND THE JOKER!"

At that moment, the Joker was joined by two young women-both of them wore white bodysuits and white boots covered with shiny, sparkling purple sequins. The women both had long dark hair tied in buns and pink clown faces and red lips. They both wore yellow gloves. The two young women both jumped up and down frantically behind the Joker.

The Joker ran towards towards the ruined bank while laughing as loud as ever! He waved his hands and arms in a frenzy uncontrollably in front of his purple jacket. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Joker and the two young, pink clown faced, dark haired women raced to the huge bank vault while completely surrounded in a dark green haze of the gas.

The three coughing bank guards watched in fear, as the Joker and the two women all jumped up and down excitedly, while the Joker turned the brown combination lock on the vault.

The vault door sprung open with a loud groan, and vast piles of green dollar bills flooded out of the large bank vault. "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the Joker with a huge grin on his white painted face, as he jumped up and down. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The two young women assistants of the Joker also jumped up and down while grinning.

The dark green gas continued to envelope the bank guards and the Joker and the two women.

"Where's Robert Stack when you need em?" ribbed the chinese bank guard as he looked up at the Joker-now grabbing whole armfuls of cash, as were the two women besides him, while they jumped up and down seemingly unstoppably, in a thick gauge of dark green gas all over.

Commissioner Gordon just sat in shock behind his desk as the three bank guards stood in front of him. Chief O Hara stood behind the commissioner and looked at the three people in the office with a look of complete surprise. The commissioner ran his hands over his gray suit and gray tie as he stared up downfounded at the security guards.

The three bank guards all stood there together, with their faces painted white with really huge pink clown lips and thick, bushy green eyebrows and blue octagons painted around their eyes. "Yeah that's the whole story commissioner," sulked the seventy year old bank guard while shaking his head," this what happened to our faces while the gas sprayed us." The young woman raised her fists and looked down at the floor in frustration. "And the damn clown stuff won't come off!" shouted the woman with tears in her eyes.

Commissioner Gordon just stared at them in awe. His mouth drooped open. Chief O Hara stared at the bank guards and laughed a little. Commissioner Gordon turned his head and scowled at the police chief. Chief O Hara looked embarrassed at the commissioner and stopped laughing at once. The commissioner turned his head back around and stared in shock at the trio standing in front of his desk.

The commissioner then got to his feet, walked around his desk and headed across his office to the red phone situated under the large glass case on the table at the far end of the office. "If the Joker's free, then there's only one man who can help us, "surmised the commissioner as he lifted up the glass case.

The sun shone brightly down on the lavender coloured, small square shaped building in the middle of the vast city. The words WAYNE CIVIC CENTRE, were emboldened in huge lavender block letters along the top of the structure.

Inside the building, a small banquet was taking place. Men and women were walking around wearing eitheir white tuxedos and white bowties or flowing, short sleeved black dresses. The song Sad Eyes, could be heard playing/echoing all about the orange and dark blue coloured walls of the small civic centre. The whole room was covered with tiny red trays covered with bottles of booze. Everyone walked all around the building talking quietly and happily amongst themselves.

Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson stood in the centre of the room, both of them wearing white tuxedos and both of them holding small drinks in their hands. A gorgeous looking, fine figured, fifty something year old women with very short, curly red hair stood in front of Bruce, smiling cheerfully at the fifty something billionaire and the thirty something Dick Grayson. The woman wore a flowing, short sleeved black dress decorated with images of huge, dark blue roses all along the front of the dress. The fifty something year old woman took a long swig of the drink in her left hand, then she turned her attention back to Bruce and Dick again. "It's been a long time Bruce," soothed the red haired woman as she swayed her fine figured body and took another sip of her drink. Her voice was almost melodious, "ever since you married Selena you have been out of my life. I still miss you I'm afraid." Bruce Wayne just looked down at the drink he cradled in both his hands and frowned. His fifty year old handsome features creased somewhat. "Well Vicki that's just how life goes sometimes," Bruce answered after a pause, "Selena was there, and I was lonely, and you were overseas covering that hawaiian assignment...so..." Vicki took another sip of her drink. Dick Grayson looked from Vicki to Bruce over and over again. "I know your a happily married man now Bruce, but I still can't help missing you sometimes." Vicki made a slightly drunken sigh. "Why couldn't it had turned out differently," she regretted as she shook her head and frowned at Bruce and Dick. "Well life tends to throw a curb sometimes Vicki," said Bruce as he looked kindly at the gorgeous redhead. "I'm sure a woman as fine as you Vicki can find other men," suggested Dick as he sipped the light blue liquid of his drink, "but your not really looking are you?" Vicki made another sigh as she lowered her pretty red eyebrows. "It was my fault really," decided the beautiful red head. She gulped down the rest of her drink. "I was always accusing you of being Batman. That was wrong me." Bruce and Dick both turned to smile at each other. Then they both turned to look back at Vicki. "Let's just forget the past and enjoy the banquet shall we?" suggested Bruce as he grinned at Vicki, very smoothly, "my gosh this is the first banquet I've been invited too since my wedding."

Elsewhere in the small civic centre room, Alfred stood behind a small, white counter at the very back of the room, in front of a small collection of liquor bottles stocked up and down a white shelf. Alfred also wore a white tuxedo and white bow tie and he was busily and seriously pouring drinks for whoever of the banquet goers happened to walk up to the counter. A gust of wind suddenly blew over his long gray hair and clean shaven bespeckled face.

A loud beeping sound came from his right tuxedo pocket.

Alfred slowly turned around and stepped towards the stock pile of booze bottles on the shelves. He slowly reached his hand into the pocket and took out a large, circular, glowing red, metallic object. The object had the black Batman bat symbol in the centre of it. Alfred raised the red circle to his lips. "Yes,"he spoke into it. The voice of Commissioner Gordon muttered frantically out of it. "I'll get him," Alfred said.

Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson were walking slowly across the small civic centre room, past the happily-chattering away banquet goers, and towards Selena Kyle who stood at the far wall of the room-also wearing a flowing, short sleeved black dress-but her's decorated with huge images of brown cats sitting upright-smiling at Bruce and Dick. Her long brown hair flowed all about her shoulders. She carried a small drink in her left hand.

As Bruce and Dick approached her, a middle aged, bald black man with a beard and sunglasses suddenly jostled right up to Bruce, while eagerly gulping down a large drink in his hand. "Hey guys, are we still on for the Gotham Annual Golf Match this Sunday," the black man grinned as he spoke happily. Bruce and Dick both nodded. "You know I'd never miss that Lucius," countered Bruce as he glanced at the happy bald black man then looked back at the waiting Selena. "Bruce beat em ninety to one last time," boasted Dick as he slapped Lucius's right shoulder with a smile. The black man walked off into the crowd.

As soon as Bruce and Dick reached Selena Kyle, Alfred walked up to the three of them. He carried the red beeping device in his left hand. "I beg your pardon sir," Alfred whispered to Bruce Wayne, "but the commissioner wants you."

Bruce immediately took the red metallic object in his right hand, gulped down the rest of his drink and raced to the counter at the back of the small civic room. He raised the glowing red, metal circle to his mouth. "Yes commissioner," he muttered.

In Commissioner Gordon's office, the commissioner and Chief O Hara stood uneasily around the table which held the glass case containing the batphone. The commissoner held the phone in his right hand and against his right ear. He appeared quite jittery. "I'm afraid it's bad news caped crusader, "the commissioner said with a note of urgency,"the Joker is loose again. He just robbed the Gotham Exclusive." Chief O Hara made a deep frown.

Back in the small civic centre, Bruce Wayne just shook his head and made a scowl. He held the red circular device in both hands up to his lips. The empty glass had drunk from was on the white polished counter. "I'll be on my way," whispered Bruce, as he briskly put the large, glowing red, circular device in his right tuxedo pocket.

Bruce moved back towards Dick and Selena and Alfred. They were joined by Barbara Gordon now. The late thirties something, gorgeous brunette also wore a flowing, short sleeved black dress (hers decorated with images of large, white sparkles). She ran her hands through her short dark hair as Bruce noticed her. "Hey Barbara," Bruce greeted her, as he then looked at Dick and Selena, his fifty something year old features looking very uncomfortable, "the Joker I'm afraid," he said. Selena Kyle just let out a loud sigh as she rolled her eyes to the lavender ceiling of the room. "Not surprising, being that Arkham Asylum is obviously made of tissue paper," she said sarcastically. "I got you out of your life of crime Selena," replied Bruce, "and I can eventually do the same with the Joker. Let's go!"

And with that, Bruce, Dick, Selena, Barbara and Alfred all ran towards the exit of the small civic centre building. The song Sad Eyes still played slowly all about the room.

A very drunken, sixty year old man with short gray hair and a beard-his white tuxedo looking rather grimy-his white bow tie crooked-carrying a huge bottle of booze in both his hands walked slowly in front of Bruce and looked about himself. "Izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz da naxt song goin to be Melancholy Baby?!the drunk shouted.

Bruce, Dick, Selena, Barbara and Alfred all ignored and raced past the drunk.

Batgirl sped her Batcycle down the busy highway. The song BATGIRL played out of the small, bat emblemed shaped, black radio located in the middle of the handlebars.

ACT ONE

Batman and Robin both slid down the Batpoles and then raced across the Batcave and towards the Batmobile. Both costumed men then jumped over the closed doorways and into their seats.

The sleek black car then roared out of the Batcave and down the highway.

The Batmobile stopped right in front of the tall building, and Batman and Robin both leaped out of the car and ran up the steps of the police building. People on the street just stared at the dynamic duo and shouted in awe.

A few seconds later, Batgirl drove and parked her Batcycle right behind the Batmobile.

Inside commissioner's office Batman and Robin and Batgirl all stood quielty in front of the commissioner's desk as Commissioner Gordon sat there (Chief O Hara stood at the left side of the desk) and told the costumed trio the whole story of the Joker's bank robbery.

Batman folded his arms over his chest and paced about the office, pondering the information. His fifty something year old features lost in thought. "So the Joker demolishes a bank right in broad daylight and then he and his gals make off with everything in the vault," Batman said loudly. He glanced down at the floor. "That clown prince of crime will never learn his lesson it seems, "Batman said as he walked back towards the desk, "the trick now, of course, is to locate his current hideout." Batman became lost in thought again, "if he took that much cash out of the vault then it would have to be a really big hideout at that, "contemplated the blue garbed, caped crusader as he put his gloved hands down on the desk surface and looked squarely at the commissioner, "but where?" "He took almost millions," reminded the commissioner, worriedly,"this is the worst bank job I've ever seen, in all my years on the police force." "And there's no way for any of the Gotham Exclusive customers to ever be reimbursed?" Robin asked the commissioner. "None," answered Commissioner Gordon simply, "alot of people are going into the poor house really soon, unless you can find the Joker and get all the loot back." "Before he spends it all," interjected Batgirl, as she put her fists on her hips. She looked from Batman to Robin, her late thirties, pretty features looking rather jovial. "Uh, that was a joke," she smiled, "no pun intended." Robin raised both of his green gloved hands to his forehead. "What place in Gotham is big enough to hold that much cash?" Robin said as he shook his head. Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Commissioner Gordon and Chief O Hara were all silent for a few minutes as each one went into very deep thoughts. "I was hoping to have a peaceful retirement in a month time," sighed Commissioner Gordon wearily,"now it seems I'm on my biggest case yet." "You and me both Jim," agreed Chief O Hara. "Well knowing the Joker, his hideout would have to be a very outlandish looking one," said Batgirl in an interested tone of voice, "we know the Joker goes in for the glamour/funny/zany attention getting looks." Robin paced around the office for a few seconds. "It seems that crazed clown will never learn his lesson," intoned Robin, shaking his head in disgust, "I think that vat of acid that Batman accidentally dropped him into years ago, back when he was the Red Hood, must of not only wreaked his face but his brain as well." "Well put boy...uh...man wonder," said the commissioner as he looked at Robin. "The Joker could have been a successful standup comic but instead he chose a life of crime," remembered Batman, "what a waste. Misusing that comic talent for crime instead." "The Joker himself doesn't think his comedy talent has been misused," corrected Commissioner Gordon as she stood up from behind his desk, and walked steadily towards the huge tv set and video recorder equipment located at the back of the office, "in fact he still considers himself to be a successful standup comedian. I'll show you this episode he did on Johnny Carson a few years ago."

The elderly commissioner gently took out a red video cassette tape from a box on the floor at the left side of the tv set, and popped the cassette into the video machine as he switched on the tv. Batman, Robin, Batgirl and Chief O Hara all turned to face the television screen.

_The Joker sat in front of the small orange desk on the Tonight Show. He wore a dazzling purple business suit with a large, sky blue coloured tie with a large yellow pin sticking through the middle of the tie. Johnny Carson sat behind the desk wearing a dark business suit and a white tie with yellow swirls. He sat there smiling at the Joker. The Joker had a wide, evil sneer all over his white painted features. His wavy green hair shining brightly under the studio lights. Behind him, the night sky of Los Angeles could be seen through the windows._ _The Joker stroked his green moustache with his left purple gloved hand.__ The clown prince then looked at Johnny, contorted his whole face into a very weird, bizarre expression, while making a wide lopsided grin. "Well well then," said Johnny Carson amused, "so you finally learned your lesson? You'll stay away from crime and focus on your neglected standup career now?" The Joker squinted and laughed. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Look man ever since I escaped from prison a few weeks ago, I made up my mind to go back strictly to comedy. Mabey Haley's Circus would hire me? Who knows? Hahahahahahhahahahhahahahha!"Johnny Carson just folded his hands on the desktop and grimaced. _

The commissioner reached out his arm and switched off the tv. He turned and Looked grimly at Batman, Robin, Batgirl and Chief O Hara. "Video tapes will never catch on," smirked Chief O Hara, "video recorders and tapes are a new thing and a dead end." "He'll stay away from crime, yeah right," chirped the elderly commissioner, "what a liar."

Batman suddenly snapped his fingers. "The circus of course!" shouted Batman, his face beaming with an idea, "the perfect hideout for that crazed fiend!" Robin's and Batgirl's mouths fell open as they both approached the fifty something year old, blue and gray garbed crimefighter. "The Lynn Circus is in Gotham for a week I understand!" said with a burst of energy, "who knows, mabey we'll find our clown there." "Could be," included Batgirl. "Well it's worth a try,"decided Batman as he ran for the door to the commissioner's office, "let's go!"

Robin and Batgirl both ran after him.

It was nearly early evening now in Gotham City. The large, square shaped building stood between two skyscrapers in the very heart of Gotham. GOTHAM IPNAM BANK, read the words in big, blue green, block letters along the top of the black building.

At that moment, the same weird, purple car with the huge image of a white sinister clown face covering the entire front end of the strange vehicle suddenly pulled up in front of the dark coloured building. The evil, red lipped clown grins on the spokes of the tires. The purple car braked to a stop, with the same, loud, mechanical laughter coming from the engine.

Inside the Gotham Ipnam Bank, everybody was just going about their business. Men and women lined at the counter to be served by the tellers. There were desks stacked full of bank books pushed up against the bright yellow walls of the interior of the building. Blue uniformed bank security guards of all different ages walked past the hustling and bustling customers and bank tellers going about their business in the bank, talking business like amongst themselves.

Suddenly, the Joker and the two pink faced, clown faced female assistants of his all barged into the bank, each one carrying massive bright green, weird looking rifle type weopons. All three of them wore purple masks covering only the whole top part of their faces along their eyes and foreheads (there were massive eyeholes in the masks).

Everybody in the bank turned around and screamed in terror, as the Joker jumped up and down laughing hysterically while he and the two young women all pulled the triggers of their bright green, funny looking rifle type weopons. Clouds of thick bright red gas sprayed violently out of the rifles and at light speed covered the entire interior of the bank in a thick fog of bright red. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the Joker in a psychotic kind of way, "OK GIRLS LETS ROB THE TILL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Everybody in the whole building suddenly fell down on the floor laughing like mad! Everybody just laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed! A dozen people were falling down and rolling all over the floor, laughing and laughing over and over again non stop!

The Joker and the two young, pink faced, clown faced, dark haired women danced in a frenzied kind of way all around the bank, while making evil sneers.

One of the laughing, blue uniformed bank guards was putting up a huge poster of Alfred E. Neuman on one of the yellow walls of the bank. The typical what-me-worry? face against a white backdrop.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the Joker in thunderous, maniac type roars as he twirled his head, while running behind the counter, bending down, dropping his green rifle type weopon and scooping up huge armfuls of cash with both arms.

An hour later, the Joker and the two clown faced young women came running out of the Gotham Ipnam Bank all of them carrying huge armfuls of dollar bills. The trio went bounding towards the purple Jokermobile. The purple cars doors slid open automatically, while a recorded voice of John Belushi shouted from the automatic opening doors: "BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Jokermobile sped down the busy freeway that evening in Gotham City. As the car roared down the street-often barely careening past other cars-mechanical laughter shouted out from tailpipe of the car.

Then, several white firecrackers came flying out of the tailpipes and and exploded into brilliant white explosions all the way down the road. All the other cars on the street, went flying right off the road, in the wake of the explosions.

The Jokermobile sped to a stop outside a building which was in the shape and sculpture of a gigantic clown face, complete with massive sized, bright red lips, giant sized green eyes and a bright red nose. The face had giant sized white bushy eyebrows. The building looked to be in a very deserted part of Gotham City-there were no other buildings around. The huge, clown faced building was located on a very wide grassy and muddy area with only a single tree behind it.

Inside the building, the walls were purple and decorated with murals of the Joker's face done up in a comic book-pop art type style, with his mouth wide open and his eyes crossed. There was really zany looking green and purple spotted furniture dotting the entire large room, and several and green and white spotted rolltop desks scattered about. The room was tilted at a crooked angle.

The back wall of the room suddenly slid open sideways, and the Joker and the two young, pink clown faced women ran into the crazy looking abode, still hauling their vast armfuls of dollar bills.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the Joker as loud as ever as he dropped all the cash on the green, wooden floor and jumped up and down while waving his arms frantically and laughing and laughing and laughing! The two young women did the same. The cash falling all over their white bodysuits. "WE MADE IT GALS!" screamed the Joker as he looked up at the green and purple striped ceiling of his hideout while laughing and waving his arms up and down, "SOON I"LL HAVE MONEY TO BEGIN THE CRIME WAVE OF ALL CRIME WAVES!" the Joker shouted, "I"LL HIRE EVERY GANGSTER IN GOTHAM! BATMAN CAN'T STOP ME NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What about me Joker?"

At that moment the Joker and the two young women all turned around to spot a fifty year old, busty, woman dressed in a red and black checkered, harlequin costume with a black mask covering the top part of her face. She wore a red and black hat which had two large curls hanging down from it, a red curl at the red side of the hat and a black curl at the left side of the hat. Her outfit had a black long sleeve at the right side and a red long sleeve at the left side. A large black checker covered the whole top half of the right side of her costume and a large red checker covered the whole top half of the left side of her costume. Her left pants leg was black her right skintight pants leg was red. There were images of small red and black diamonds covering her sleeves. her skin was white like the Joker. She wore a huge, white collar which looked like a starfish. Her left hand wore a black glove while her right hand wore a red glove. The fifty looking year old woman stood at the back of the huge room. Her red lips all shiny.

She and the Joker suddenly ran towards each other and passionately embraced and kissed deeply on the lips. "Joker my love," whispered the black and red garbed woman. "Harley my love," whispered the Joker in between kissing her, "I'm on the biggest crime spree of all time! I'm using a whole arsenal of clown tools to steal enough money to fund a crime wave! You and I will be the clown prince and princess! Hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahh!" "Oh my Joker," soothed Harley as she kissed the white neck more passionate than ever, "the prince and princess of crime!" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The Joker gently removed his hands from Harley Quinn and turned around and walked back towards the two young, pink faced, clown faced women. "Girls, this is the biggest move of my career," explained the Joker while making a wide, colourful grin, "this is it girls! I have to have even more money to fund the massive crime wave! Then, and only then, will I finally be able to finally stop Batman once and for all! But I need a massive crime wave to accomplish that! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Joker danced all around the room, laughing and waving his arms up and down!

The two moving men carried the massive, blue and white diamond very, very carefully and gently across the parking lot. The two men each wore blue, security guard outfits, and they moved right outside a large, rectangular shaped, brown building which had the words GOTHAM SHIPPING, in dusty, giant gold block letters all across the roof of the building. It was sunset. The two men were both fairly young with short brown hair. "This King of Siam sent this as a gift to Gotham you say?" one of the men asked the other one. "Yeah," the other one replied, "he was grateful for Batman, saving his daughter from Clayface that time she visited Gotham on a business diamond is worth gadzillion. We were given orders to keep it under top security lock and key, and be very, very, very very very careful with it.

Suddenly, the Joker and the two women helpers of his dropped down from the sky wearing giant purple parachutes with giant images of pop art pictures of the Joker's face laughing like a psycho, covering the entire front of the parachute. The three of them dropped down behind the two young men. The two men turned their heads in surprise at the sight of the demented trio. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the three of them all laughed heartily.

The Joker reached into his left purple pants pocket and took out two large red springs. The springs both made loud mechanical laughing sounds as the devices both zoomed out of his hands, and landed on the ground under the shoes of both the moving men.

The two young men let out yelps of shock, as they were both jolted far up into the air, as their shoes made contact with the springs and both of them dropping the giant sized blue and white diamond.

The Joker and the two women then all grabbed the diamond, stepped onto the springs, and all three of them also went hurtling up high into the air, while all of them holding onto the gigantic diamond. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Elsewhere, in the middle of the Gotham Zoo, the Penguin stood in the middle of the penguin enclosure, surrounded by dozens and dozens of penguins. A group of people, stood far behind the fence encircling the entire penguin enclosure. The people all stood and gawked at the arch villain who stood in the centre of the vast penguin area, his top hat and black suit and white shirt covered with quite a few mud stains. His monocle stuck in his eye and long white cigarette in his mouth. "KWA! KWA! KWA! KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KAW!" scowled the Penguin as the people gawking excited ly at him began tossing raw fish into the penguin area. The Penguin looked down at the penguins moving all about him and lowered his eyebrows in frustration. "KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA! My feathered friends! So this is what the Gotham courts determined should be my punishment from now on!" grunted the Penguin loudly, "to serve my time in the zoo! To be stared at!" Another raw fish came flying into the enclosure and landed at the Penguin's black shoes.

The villain eagerly went down on his stomach and hungerly gobbled up the raw fish lickey split! He also rolled and waddled his body around in the grass and gobbled up all the other raw fish lying about. "KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!" shouted the Penguin as he stood upright again. His long black hair ran down his back. "I hear the Joker is on a crime spree right now, to fund a massive crime wave, which will finally force Batman to his knees!" The Penguin let out a loud, quirky chuckle, "kwa! Kwa! KWA! KWA!KWA! I'm not going to stand by here while that's going on my feathered friends! I want to see that! Tonight the Penguin is going free! KAW!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!"

Elsewhere in Gotham City the Riddler and one of the Catwomen, and two pet cheetahs of the Catwoman both stood together in a large, black room which was in the shape of a giant question mark. There were small images of green question marks covering all the walls of the room. The two villains stood at the tail end of the giant question mark shaped room. The room was decorated with brown question marked shaped chairs all over. The Riddler wore a green business suit covered with small black question marks all over the fabric and black shoes. He wore a purple mask around his eyes. His eyes gleamed with delight and wickedness through the eye holes. He handled a large green cane in the shape of a question mark. The Catwoman stood facing him. It was the dark skinned Catwoman. She wore the traditional black, skintight outfit with the black mask over her eyes. Her two pet cheetahs sat upright on each side of her. The Riddler grinned and did a little dance all around the room in front of the Catwoman. "So, the Joker, is on a new crime spree to rob enough money to fund a massive crime wave to finally conquer the bat once and for all! Oh boy!" The Riddler spread his legs, grinned, waved his question cane all about and made the loud, high pitched laughing sound he was so well known for. "PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFECT!" shouted the Catwoman as she slinked her sexy body all around the question mark shaped room, "the downfall of Batman at the hands of the Joker! We both have to see that!" "Yes we will!" laughed the Riddler, his legs spread wide apart, his body bent over, his arms moving up and down waving the question mark shaped cane in his hands, "now that Selena Kyle has long since reformed and married that Wayne dude, and that other Catwoman also reformed and went straight it's up to you now, Lady Brill, to be the only Catwoman in town." The sexy, dark skinned woman moved and slinked her great figure all about the room in cat like moves. "Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" she shouted. She raised her sharp clawed, black gloved hands. She walked on tip toe all around the question mark shaped room, with her sexy legs making wide strides. The two cheetahs let out roars. "MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she repeated, "we have to stick together if we want to defeat Batman," meowed the gorgeous black woman, as she ran her black gloved hands through her long, smooth black hair down to her shoulders, "we have to be together." The Riddler walked calmly all around the room waving his cane. He imagined the room to be tilted at a crooked angle. "Yes, I never thought I'd end up alone with the Catwoman," said the green suited madman as he walked all about the room, "I mean I can't even get into my own pants, let alone..." The Catwoman quickly turned to look at the Riddler. "Let's get out there and see what Joker's up to," pleaded the Catwoman with a purring sound.

The Batmobile and the Batcycle both sped to and braked to a stop outside the giant, orange circus tent. The Batcycle parked behind the Batmobile. In big red letters across the top of the tent it read JADY'S CIRCUS!

The dynamic duo jumped out of the Batmobile over the doors and Batgirl jumped off the Batcycle. The three of them walked towards the tent. The tent and various other, smaller orange circus tents were all situated on a wide muddy and grassy field. The sunset went down on the horizon behind the field. "You really think the Joker is hiding out here?" Batgirl asked Batman and Robin as she walked in between the pair. "I don't know anything at this point," Batman corrected, "right now we're just checking things out."

The three costumed crime fighters all walked into the orange circus. They saw a huge, weird looking brown, metallic contraption in the middle of the orange tent. The device consisted of a massive pedestal and several long brown arms, seventy feet long, protruding from the pedestal. There were rows upon rows of huge yellow cream pies on each of the arms. A blue button control button was on the top of the pedestal. The three crime fighters also noticed the famed circus clown Bozo the Clown standing at the right side of the contraption and alongside him the elderly circus boss-a seventy year old man with short gray hair and a moustache and wearing a red and white ringmaster outfit and behind him, a young blonde hair boy of about thirteen and wearing a red outfit.

Bozo and the elderly man and the boy all gasped with surprise as they looked about the three crime fighters and then they each looked with shock at each other. Batman, Robin and Batgirl all walked up to the three circus performers. "Wall I'll be!" shouted Bozo as he jumped towards the trio. His big red clown shoes splattering mud all over the orange circus tent. "Batman in person!" gasped the elderly circus boss as he too moved towards the costumed trio. "BATMAN!" shouted the young boy.

The three circus performers ran up to the three super heroes and they all shook hands. "Golly be! Batman in person!" exclaimed Bozo the clown. Batman smiled politely at the welcoming clown. "How do you do Bozo?" he greeted, his deep voice sparkling, "yes I'm Batman. I'm here because I'm looking for the Joker. I'm checking out all his possible hideouts." "Golly be!" exclaimed Bozo yet again, his clown face breaking into a very wide grin, "I hoped when the circus came to Gotham we might run into you, but golly gee!" "I read so much about you!" shouted the young blonde haired boy. "Batman! Wow!' gasped the elderly circus boss. "We're looking for possible hideouts of the Joker," reminded Robin to Bozo, "and the circuses seemed likely locations." "Well the Joker ain't here," said Bozo as he comically shrugged his shoulders in an exaggerated, buffoonish kind of way, "I'll help anyway I can. The Joker you say?"

Suddenly, one of the long brown arms of the brown contraption way in front of Batman, Robin, Batgirl and the circus performers, went upwards like a flash of lightening and one of the giant yellow cream pies went flying off of the arm and hit Bozo the clown splat into the back of his head. Batgirl let out a surprised laugh. Bozo, startled, raised and reached his hands behind his head and took the pie off his head. The young boy laughed a little also. The growls of big cats came from way off in the distance. The bellow of an elephant sounded. "Oh dear," noted the circus boss as he looked with sorry at Bozo standing besides him, "that pie device is for the clown acts and it often malfunctions I'm afraid," described the elderly boss. Bozo just shook his head. His long, mop of bright hair shaking as well. "Well we've all heard about you too Bozo," complimented Batgirl with a smile, "I mean your the world's famous clown." "That's right," agreed Batman as he nodded at the shaken performer, "your a house hold name Bozo. But let's get back to the Joker shall we. I'm here because I suspect the clown may choose this circus as a hideout. I don't have any other details at the moment." Suddenly, one of the long brown arms of the contraption raised itself up, quick as a flash, and another large, yellow cream pie went flying off of the arm, flew across the bright orange circus tent and splattered Bozo in the right side of his face. Batman stared at Bozo. The clown took the pie off his face with both hands and smiled. He held both yellow cream pies in both his hands. "Yeah that machine needs a repairman at the moment," announced Bozo the clown as he shook his head at Batman yet again, "but try finding one who knows how to fix clownsilly pie machines, Sheeeeeesh!" "The Joker if you please," pushed Batman as he allowed an easy glance at the pie contraption way off in front of him in the orange circus tent, "that's the subject here. We want to stake out the circus in case the Joker shows up." "Oh sure thing Batman," offered Bozo helpfully, "yes indeed." "This circus could be a perfect hideout for that clown prince," continued Batman. Then, another of the arms of the pie contraption raised upwards, quick as a flash and more of the large, yellow cream pies went flying off the arms and came flying towards the costumed trio and the three circus performers. The group all ran out of the way, as to dodge the oncoming cream pies, though Bozo got a pie directly in the face. "Oh nuts!" shouted Bozo, "not again!" "Let's get out of here!" cautioned Robin. "I want to talk about staking out the circus in case the Joker shows up," repeated Batman, as another arm of the pie contraption way ahead of him, shot upwards and more yellow cream pies came flying towards the group. Everybody shouted and tried to run out of the way, as large yellow cream pies splattered all six of them. Bozo the clown took another pie in the face, which he quickly pulled off of him. "Sure help yourself to the stakeout," said the clown, as he looked behind himself and saw all the other arms of the pie throwing machine, shooting upwards and all the other large yellow cream pies come flying towards all of them. The group all shouted as the yellow cream pies hit every single one of them in their faces and all over their bodies. "We gotta get that stupid thing repaired!" shouted the young blonde haired boy as a yellow cream pie smacked him right in the face. "The Joker may try to use this circus as a hide...oh forget it" shouted Batman as several large yellow cream pies smacked him everywhere on his gray and blue costumed body. The whole group was now running wildly towards the entrance of the tent as the large yellow cream pies went flying all about everywhere. The bellows of an elephant in the distance. More growls of big cats. Bozo the clown was struck in the back by a large yellow cream pie and he was pushed down on Batgirl and his white hands were pushed by the momentum on her boobs. Batgirl let out a scream. The two of them fell down in the mud and grass. "HOLY MAX SENNETT BATMAN!" shouted Robin as more large yellow cream pies all struck him violently in the face.

Batman, Robin, Batgirl, the elderly circus boss, the young blonde boy and Bozo the clown all walked calmly and quietly past the vast rows of cages containing exotic animals of all kinds situated all around this one smaller, bright orange circus tent. The loud growls of lions, the bellows of rhinos, the bellows of elephants, the hissing of snakes. The words-MENAGERIE TENT, printed in bright gold block letters along the top of the tent. "The Joker is sure to come here," Batman pleaded his case yet again to the circus performers," and we would like to keep an eye on your circus for awhile." "That's fine," answered the circus boss,as he tipped his red ringmaster hat downwards a bit towards his eyes, "this circus is always help the law Batman."

At that moment, a tall, male middle aged circus performer happened to walk right past the front of the group. The man wore a red, skintight bodysuit with a big, white letter D on his chest. He was bald and his head and his face were completely painted a colour of dead white.

Robin stared at the man with much interest. He leaned his body forwards. "Excuse me," the red and green and yellow garbed crime fighter said to the red garbed performer who was walking past him, "weren't you once with Haley's Circus?" The performer turned to make a sharp glance at Robin. He stopped suddenly. "Yeah that's right," he gruffed. He spoke in a rather bitter tone, "the dynamic duo huh?" "You were the brother of that one other circus trapeze guy Boston Brand weren't you?" implored Robin. The performer's face broke down into several hurt pieces. "It was a terrible tragedy," the man said in a very sad tone of voice, his eyes looking down on the ground, his mouth drooping, "I don't want to even think about it. It was too horrible, too devastating, too sad, too destroying, too terrible a tragedy for me and the whole family." "Something bad happened to your brother didn't it?" said Robin, "I recall now from what I heard when I performed there." The white faced and red garbed man just made an angry, smart ass smile at Robin. "No, he was hit by spitballs," he said then he walked off. Robin just sighed.

"Hey listen guys, take me with you," Bozo the clown turned his head to look at both Batman, Robin and Batgirl over and over again. Bozo grinned and pointed both his hands at his chest. "Hmmmmmmmmmmm," said Batman. "Hey look, the Joker is a clown right? And I'm a clown right? It's takes a clown to know a clown. I can help you stop him before he robs anymore banks. Well what do you say? You need a clown to help stop another clown. How about it? Silence of the clowns." Batman, Robin and Batgirl all looked sharply at Bozo. "You have a point Bozo," said Batman,"I'll take you with me." Bozo grinned and raised his fists with pride to his chest. "YIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEE!" shouted Bozo. his shout was drowned out by the loud growl of a tiger in one of the cages. "You're teaming up with Bozo the clown?" Batgirl asked Batman, surprised, "not exactly a brave and bold type teaming."

"HEY BATMAN REMEMBER ME?" the loud, animal deep, male voice shouted from somewhere's. The group all turned and saw a large man-half human and half crocodile-a humanoid figure but his body covered with gray slimy scales. His face was that of a part human and part reptile. He had clear blue human eyes, no hair his face covered in slimy gray scales. He had very sharp teeth. "Well I'll be damned. If it isn't Killer Croc!" recognized Batman as he took a step towards the nude, heavily built man gripping the bars tightly with both hands in his cage, "so you now ended up as a freak in the menagerie huh?" the caped crusader chuckled uneasily. "I'm a prisoner here!" shouted Killer Croc in a very deep voice. There were two other adult crocodiles in the cage with him. "GROWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Killer Croc made a loud, frightening growl, displaying his long fangs. "Well you tried to eat the mayor of Gotham City," remembered Batman as he took a startled step back from the cage, "I think you got what you deserved." "Yeah well, guess what. The Joker, I hear, is going on a crime spree, to rob enough banks to fund a massive crime wave to finally render you helpless Batman! GROWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Killer Croc opened his mouth wide and showed all his sharp fangs, "I can't wait for the day when it's curtains for you!" "We're moving him and the other reptiles to the large enclosed swamp area tomorrow," confided the elderly circus boss as he looked at Killer Croc, " and we have much bigger enclosures for all the other animals tomorrow as well." Batman just shook his head and he and the rest of the group just walked past all the animal cages and out of sight.

Killer Croc looked down at the one adult crocodile standing at his right foot. The crocodile let out a loud roar. "I know sweetheart," said Killer Croc in a very deep voice, "I didn't forget our wedding anniversary don't worry..."

ACT TWO

The Batmobile, and the Batcycle raced won the highway through the vast nightime Gotham City. Batgirl rode her Batcycle right behind the Batmobile. Bozo the clown sat in the Batmobile between Batman and Robin.

The Riddler and Catwoman both stood in a dark alley watching the Batmobile come racing by. The Riddler wore a tweed brown suit with yellow green coloured sleeves, sunglasses, a white thick moustache, yellow green coloured pants and black boots. He also wore large pink bow tie and black gloves, and a huge white cowboy hat decorated with several pink feathers sticking out of the top of it. The Catwoman, standing in front of him, wore a gray, skintight bodysuit, gray stockings, slick brown boots, and she was chewing bubblegum. Her long black hair flowed all over her beautiful dark skinned face. "Ok, now Catwoman," the Riddler whispered to her in excited tones, "it'll be just as we went over it." "Righto," whispered Catwoman as her eyes briefly glanced upwards while chewing the gum, "we can lure Batman into the Joker's lair." "Ok, here we go," the Riddler whispered excitedly.

As the Batmobile cruised past the alleyway, the Catwoman suddenly sauntered in a cool sort of way, twisting her hips from side to side, out of the alley, chewing the gum. She put her left arm on her hip, as the Riddler-dressed in his brown and yellow green tweed suit and huge white cowboy hat and white moustache and sunglasses stepped rapidly out of the alleyway right behind her. As Batman turned to look at the pair-the driver's side of the car was cruising past them-the Catwoman raised her other hand in a gesture for Batman to stop. The Batmobile braked to a stop. The Batcycle moving behind the car also stopped. Batman, Bozo, Robin and Batgirl all looked with wonderment at the pair. "Hey a bat dude, uh, do a want some company for tonight?" the Catwoman spoke in a thick New York type accent, as she craned her neck to look at Batman sitting in the driver's seat, while chewing her bubble gum. "Woman, there are better and safer ways to earn a living than this," advised the caped crusader in his deep voice, as he looked with interest at the disguised Catwoman, "I recommend you go to the Gotham employment office tomorrow and find more suitable work for yourself." Bozo the clown's mouth dropped open in bewilderment, as he looked at the disguised Catwoman. "Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he exclaimed. "Hey a bat dude, I give great one for thirty dallars," the disguised Catwoman crooned in a thick New York accent, "and far another thirty I let Robin join in." She spoke in between chewing bubble gum.

Then the disguised Riddler, standing behind the disguised Catwoman, reached both his black gloved hands into his tweed suit pocket and pulled out huge wads of cash. "Bitch! You only made me one hundred tonight!" complained the disguised Riddler, "the rule is three hundred a night remember!" the diguised Riddler hollared. The disguised Catwoman suddenly pretended to shake a bit with fear. "I'll get ya the extra two hundred Big Billy," insisted the disguised Catwoman, "ah got Batman as a customer. I'll take him and make him moan for hours. Jast like I did with that green haired dude."

Batman, and Bozo and Robin all looked with surprise at each other. Batgirl, sitting calmly on her Batcycle looked equally surprised. Batman looked back at the disguised Catwoman. "Where is the green haired one right now?" Batman asked her. "Goshhhhhhhhhhh," said Bozo. Batman raised his dark blue gloved hand at the clown. "Shhhhhhhhhhh, Bozo," he said. The disguised Catwoman chewed her bubble gum and pointed her hand in a southern direction. "He say he hideout in that abandoned apartment house acarss da street," she described, in a strong New York accent. "Thank you citizen," thanked Batman as he started up the engine again, "and once again citizen there are more honest ways to earn living. Go to the Gotham employment office at once," implored Batman as he looked at the disguised Catwoman, then then looked back at the road as he steered the Batmobile away from her. The Batcycle ridden by Batgirl followed behind.

Once the Batmobile and Batcycle were out of sight, the disguised Riddler and Catwoman turned to each other, and slapped each other five.

The Batmobile and Batcycle both sped down the road, past lots of other cars, Bozo turned his head to look at Batman with a very serious expression on his white painted face. "You think that's really the Joker this time?" he asked the caped crusader nervously. "Well we'll soon find out," replied Batman, "it could be dangerous for you Bozo." "Hey it takes a clown to stop a clown remember? We do everything together now, "argued Bozo in a funny tone of voice.

The Batmobile and the Batcycle all braked to a stop outside the weird, looking clown faced building in the very out-of-town place. The Jokermobile was parked a short distance nearby. "Well this is the Joker's headquarters alright," noticed Batgirl as she got down off her cycle. "No doubt about that," said Bozo the clown, as he and and the dynamic duo all clambered out of the Batmobile together. "That's the Jokermobile!" shouted Robin as he pointed his green gloved hand towards the weirdo, purple car with the massive clown face covering the entire front of the car, and the sinister clown grins painted along the spokes of the tires. The whole group ran towards the entrance of the building. "Are you sure you really want to come with us Bozo?" Batman asked him one more time. Bozo just laughed. "I told you, it takes a clown to catch a clown. You need me on this one, "Bozo the clown spoke in a very goofy, funny tone of voice.

Inside the clown faced building, the Joker and the two young women, and Harley Quinn and twenty henchmen all wearing skintight, white bodysuits and shoes covered in purple and yellow glitter and wearing weird, large, round, purple caps. The entire group was kneeling down on the floor of the interior of the building scooping up armfuls of the gargantuan piles of cash lying all over the wooden floor. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the Joker loudly and wildly as he began tossing huge wads of cash high up at the ceiling, "now I know how Scrooge McDuck feels! OH! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Then, the entire ceiling of the headquarters exploded and caved in, and Batman, Bozo the clown, Robin and Batgirl all jumped down into the middle of the interior of the building. The Joker, the two young women and Harley Quinn all leaped backwards taken completely off guard. The Joker and his gang all stared with shock at the crime fighters and Bozo the clown. "Your crime spree is all over Joker!" shouted Batman as he raised his fists, "the acme bat dynamite kit did a perfect job,I keep in my utility belt did a perfect job of blowing the roof apart!" Batman shouted at the Joker. "BATMAN!?" shouted the Joker, a fearful and amazed expression on his face. He almost lost his balance as he stood on the tilted floor of his headquarters, "AND..." The Joker stared with wonderment at Bozo the clown, "BOZO THE CLOWN!?" Bozo the clown just grinned and clapped his hands. "Your finished Joker!" Bozo shouted excitedly in a very funny, silly tone of voice. "YOUR PLAN TO FINANCE A CRIME WAVE TO RENDER BATMAN HELPLESS STOPS HERE!" Robin shouted as he punched his left palm with his right fist. "DON'T JUST STAND THERE BOYS!" The Joker screamed, as he glared at his arch nemesis, "GET BATMAN!"

At that moment, the Joker and his henchmen came rushing towards Batman, Robin and Batgirl. Bozo the clown ran backwards a long ways to the back wall of the building. The Joker took a swing with his right hook at Batman's jaw. Batman ducked down and punched the Joker in the stomach. POW! Batman imagined he saw the word in bright pink letters as the Joker fell down on his face on the floor.

Robin was taking on three henchmen at once. WAMMMMMM! Robin imagined he saw the word displayed in big black letters, as he punched one black man in the nose and kicked another young, red haired man coming at him in the croch. The man just jumped up and down holding his croch area. BIFFFFFFFFFFFFF! Robin was knocked back, as the black man socked him in the jaw.

Bozo the clown just stood by the sidelines, watching the entire fight sequence, with his mouth wide open and his blue sleeved arms hung down bu his sides. His eyes opened wide. "GOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!" he shouted.

The two young women and Harley Quinn all stood at the otherside of the room, their back against the wall, also watching the whole thing on the sidelines.

Batman and Batgirl were fighting off five henchmen who were coming at them, while swinging their fists at the caped crime fighter's bodies. SLAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! Batman one man in the mouth, sending him spiralling backwards towards Bozo, who just pushed the dazed man away from him.

Batgirl delivered a karate kick straight into the stomach of a burly long haired henchmen running right for her. The man fell down out cold on his back.

THUMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! Robin imagined he saw the word in big, light blue letters as he punched a skinny henchmen coming for him in the chest.

WHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! The Joker leaped onto of the back of Batman and temporarily stunned the masked man for a minute as Batman kneeled over howling in pain. Batman then judo tossed the Joker off of him.

The Joker landed on his ass on the floor, with a very hazy look in his eyes. He imagined he saw a flock of cartoon blue jays tweeting and fluttering all around his head.

Bozo the clown just kept watching the whole fight from the sidelines with his mouth open.

One very tall dark haired henchmen came charging towards Batman while bellowing loudly and his arms out stretched. Batman punched the man right in the face. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM! The henchmen lost his balance as he slipped on a huge wad of cash on the floor and fell down on his back.

Bozo the clown just stood there watching the entire fight sequence with much interest-his mouth opened wide-BAM, SLAM, BIF, THUMP-as Batman or Robin or Batgirl punched or kicked or socked any henchmen coming towards them and the henchmen in return punched and kicked and socked the three of them right back.

Finally, the caped crusaders and all the henchmen just lay totally dazed on their backs on the floor of the headquarters.

The two young women and Harley Quinn just stood there at the far back wall watching the out cold fighters, lying on the tilted floor.

Only Joker was awake as he slowly stood up from the floor and slowly turned his attention towards the scared Bozo the clown. "Now Bozo it's your turn!" the Joker shouted with merry glee as he came rushing towards Bozo.

Bozo suddenly reached his right hand into his left blue pants pocket and pulled out a banana peel which he tossed on the floor at the Joker's purple boots. The banana peel immediately expanded to very long length and the Joker slipped on it and fell on his back side.

The Joker leaped up and pulled out two bright green metal, funny looking pistols from his purple pants pockets. He aimed both pistols at Bozo and pulled the triggers. The word BANG popped out of both guns. The Joker laughed. "GOTCHA BOZO!" The Joker shouted. Bozo laughed. "You won't fool me with that one Joker," chuckled Bozo. Bozo quickly got down on his stomach as two small, green darts then whizzed out of the guns in the Joker's hands, trailing white gas behind them. The darts struck the wall instead. The Joker scowled with disappointment. "Sleep darts! I missed!" he hissed bitterly.

Bozo the clown jumped back to his feet, and reached both his hands into his right blue pants pocket and pulled out a long, thin, blue and red striped tube, with a long square orange dial on the end of it. Bozo held up the tube in his left hand, and aimed it directly at the Joker. He smiled as his thumb pressed the orange dial. A thick, frothing cone of chocolate cream flew out of the tube and struck the joker in the face. "Try chocolate shaking cream!" laughed Bozo in his funny, silly tone of voice as he sprayed the Joker full on with the cream.

After the criminal clown was completely saturated with the chocolate cream, his whole body began to shake violently! He found himself moving all over the room shaking and shaking and shaking and shaking and shaking! The Joker looked like he was doing the funky chicken!

All of the henchmen and the caped crusaders all slowly got back on their feet.

The Joker eventually stopped shaking and reached into his purple pants pocket and took out a light blue pill. He dropped the pill down on the floor, and the entire room erupted in blue sparks. Nobody could see anything.

When the blue sparks cleared, only the caped crusaders and Bozo the clown were standing in the room. Everybody else was gone. Batman just looked about himself. "C'mon let's get out of here," he commanded to everyone.

Batman reached into his utility belt, took out his batrope, he tok out a batarang from his belt, he attached the batarang to the end of the batrope and swung the rope over the edge of the demolished ceiling. He then scampered up the rope, followed by Robin, then Batgirl then Bozo.

ACT THREE-

Elsewhere that night, the Penguin was waddling down an empty run down looking street in the middle of Gotham City. "KWA! KWA! KWA! KWA! shouted the Penguin as he moved faster than ever down the pavement. His white cigarette stuck between his gritted teeth. He looked very angry. "So the word on the street is that the Joker lost all the loot and is now on the run from Batman!" the Penguin thought to himself in bitterness, "Batman managed to tip the scales huh?! Well, if the Joker doesn't defeat the caped crusader then I will! I will be the one to finally end Batman's life once and for all! I can do it and I will! KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!"

_Bozo the clown stood before the clapping and cheering children in the audience. There was a massive pile of toys scattered all over the floor right at the clown's feet. "OK BOYS AND GIRLS ARE YOU READY!?" Bozo shouted to the excited children, waving his hands in front of him, "are you ready for Bozo's bigtop?!"_

_Then an entire troupe of other male and female clowns all came bounding happily into the ring alongside Bozo. _

Bozo was sound asleep in the Batmobile as the sleek black car, and the Batcycle behind it, cruised at top speed down the busy freeway in the city. Batgirl rode the Batcycle directly behind them. "The whiff of batgas will keep Bozo asleep for awhile till we reach the Batcave," Robin said as the Batmobile moved faster and faster, "not even Bozo is allowed to know our secret identities. Bozo's head rested on Batman's shoulder. "No, we'll have to check the bat computers for any news of anymore bank robberies to try to get a fix on the Joker," explained Batman, as he shot a glance at Robin.

Just up ahead of the Batmobile and the Batcycle, was a tall, shady looking young black man in a black leather jacket and a black cap, standing before a teenage boy-about fifteen with long brown hair and a blue sweater and blue jeans and tennis shoes, and handing the boy a huge plastic bag full of white powder. The boy took the powder and handed the black man some dollar bills. The teenage boy just smiled and took the bag and walked off into the night. "Enjoy it, boy, because next time us drug merchants are going to charge triple!" the black man called out. The black man shot a scared glance at Batman and then turned around and walked off himself. "He's a drug merchant he says?" Robin asked Batman as he looked from the fleeing blackman to the caped crusader, "his merchandise includes aspirin? He works for the drugstore?" Batman nodded. "Yes, it's something like that Robin," he replied at last, "I think the drugstore he works for, thinks that they can get better sales, by going out into the street and selling aspirin merchandise to customers, rather than waiting for them to come into the store. Hence the term drug merchant." Robin just shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever," he answered.

Minutes later, the Batmobile and the Batcycle were speeding down the highway with the entrance to the Batcave straight ahead.

The two vehicles zoomed directly through the cavern entrance at top speed.

Inside the Batcave, the two sleek vehicles zoomed to a stop. Batgirl braked her Batcycle, and Batman braked the Batmobile. Bozo the clown was still sound asleep.

As Batman looked up from the steering wheel he was startled to find a tall, good looking middle aged man with short black hair and wearing a dark business suit standing near the Batpoles. a dark briefcase stood on the cave floor at his black shoes. Batman, Robin and Batgirl all looked surprised. "What the heck?! asked Batgirl, completely astounded. She slowly approached the strange man. Batman and Robin also approached the man. "Sir what is this?!"Batman asked the bemused looking, good looking dark haired man standing in front of him, "I mean what is this!?" "How did you get down here!?" Robin asked the man. The man took a deep breath and walked towards the trio. "Batman? I know your secret identity." He raised a friendly hand slightly upwards. "I'm Bob Kane, I'm a secret family lawyer for the entire Wayne Foundation." Batman and Robin both made surprised looks and gestures at each other. Bob Kane just laughed as if he had just heard a joke. "A secret family lawyer?" Batgirl asked. "What is this?!" Batman asked impatiently. Bob Kane smiled. "Yes, it's not hardly well known but every rich family in America is entrusted with a secret family lawyer. Someone that nobody knows about. And for many years I was employed by the government to be the secret lawyer for the Wayne family. I know all about you Batman/Bruce Wayne. I know your secrets. In fact, unknown to you, I actually was behind the scenes keeping watch over all the financial and legal hassles with running the entire Wayne Foundation." Batman and Robin both looked at each other, very surprised expressions on their faces. "Anyways, according to law, when you, Mr. Wayne, reached the age of fifty or so as you are now, I'm required by law to take over ALL control of every single one of your assets, and your home, and this cavern, and your Batmobile..." Bob Kane nodded at the sleek black car. Batman and Robin both looked behind themselves, then looked back, surprised at Bob Kane. "I have power of attorney to take control of EVERYTHING belonging to you Mr. Wayne."

Bob Kane suddenly picked up the dark briefcase with both hands and carried it over to the Batmobile. He set the case down on the front of the car and whipped it open. Batman and Robin and Batgirl all gathered around him as Mr. Kane pulled out one legal document after another. "Oh no," uttered Batman, "this is ridiculous!" "Unbelievable," whispered Batgril as she looked over Batman's shoulder at all the legal papers. Bozo the clown just sat snoring loudly. "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. I'm sorry circus boss...I...I...didn't mean to accidentally unlock the rhino enclosure and send all the black rhinos running wildly all over the circus and chasing down all the performers and crew and circus goers...",Bozo mumbled incoherently in his sleep. Batman shot an annoyed glance at the sleeping clown, then waved his right gloved hand in annoyance at him. "You can see it's all here Batman...Mr. Wayne...hehehhehehehehehe," Bob Kane giggled like a school boy as he paged through all the legal papers in the open briefcase. "Get out please," Batman ordered the man in his deep voice. "Get going!" demanded Robin, "the Batcave is no place for lawyers." "Alright I'm going," Mr. Kane said as he closed up the black briefcase and pulled it off the car with both hands. He started walking away from the crime fighters and the Batmobile and the Batcycle and headed for the entrance of the Batcave, "but, let's face it, the law comes into effect when you turn fifty because your getting old. A fifty year old crime fighter is getting too old for the running and jumping. Your time has come. I now take everything! Your home, your cars, the Batcave, your wife in my bed, everything! Bye bye!" Bob Kane wandered out of the entrance of the Batcave.

After he was gone, the three crime fighters all turned and stared at each other. "Gosh Batman, mabey he's right. Mabey you are getting a bit long in the tooth for all the crime fighting stuff," Robin tried to comfort his friend. "Yes Batman," said Batgirl, "mabey it's time to hang up your cape cowl. I mean fifty is getting on for running around." Batman said nothing but just folded his arms over his gray costumed chest and frowned. "As it stands people, according to Mr. Kane I now lost everything." Batman gave a tired sigh. "I really don't know what I'll do next. First though, catching the Joker."

Batman reached his gloved hand into his utility belt and pulled out a small, dark blue cannister decorated with black bat emblems. The words-BAT WAKE UP GAS-in light blue letters across the side of the cannister. Batman put the cannister into the clown's face and sprayed a whiff of light blue gas into his face. Bozo the clown instantly awoke. "Oh my Batman," he said in his funny tone of voice, "what's going on? I had this crazy dream that I was being chased down a mountain fifteen clown cars. "Bozo shook his head in fear. "Bozo. we're going to need your help in rounding up the Joker and his henchmen. As you say, "it takes a clown to know a clown" so come with us."

Bozo stepped out of the Batmobile and followed Batman and Robin and Batgirl to the rows of computers in the Batcave. "I wish Harpo could be here with me now," he said.

Elsewhere, the Penguin wobbled towards the entrance of the small purple coloured house. The house was located in what looked like another isolated area outside of Gotham in a rather woodsy area. the purple Jokermobile was parked outside. "Kwa! KWA! KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!" shouted the Penguin as he wobbled his body, "I knew about the Joker's second hideout from the law, now to listen in on what his plan is to get rid of Batman, being his first plan is kaput," the Penguin.

Inside the house, the Joker and all his henchmen and Harley Quin and the two young women all walked around the tilted, crooked purple interior arguing loudly amongst themselves. "Well now what?! the Joker shouted in anger while waving his hands, "plan A, using the loots to fund a massive crime wave to bring down Batman is done so now what!?"

Outside the house the Penguin shook his head in disgust. "KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!" he shouted, while grinding the white cigarette between his teeth, "so the Joker is now desperate! Well if he doesn't get rid of Batman then I will!" Penguin steeled his eyes and twitched his sharp nose. "KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!"

Inside the house the Joker and his gang all kept on quarrelling amongst themselves. "WELL DO WHAT!?" the Joker screamed to everyone, "I LOST ALL THE LOOT TO FINANCE THE CRIME WAVE! I'M STUFFED! IT"s ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE BATMAN FINDS US AGAIN!" "Then this time we beat him Joker," Harley Quinn told the clown prince, "this time we can beat him!" Joker began jumping up and down laughing merrily. He wave his arms up and down. "Yes, my dear!' he shouted in anticipation, "when Batman comes we'll finally beat him! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There's a secret cache of clown weopons in this hideout and this time we can throw everything possible on Batman and finally beat him! Why didn't I think of it before!?" The whole gang burst out laughing. "And Bozo too this time!" shouted the Joker.

Outside the purple building, the Penguin laughed and wobbled his body all around. "KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!" shouted the Penguin with glee, "yes Joker this time you will beat him!" The Penguin thought to himself, "and I'll stay here, outside hidden just in case. Because my poor man's Ronald McDonald, if you fail to kill Batman this time, then I will for sure!" The Penguin raised his fists to both his cheeks.

Back in the Batcave, Batman and Robin and Batgirl and Bozo all stood in front of one of the computers, looking at a huge digital diagram, on a vast computer screen, showing all possible hideouts of the Joker. Bozo pointed his hand at an image of purple building in a deserted location outside of Gotham. "That's it," Bozo blurted out in his very funny, weirdo tone of voice, "that's where all the clowns in Gotham go to rehearse their acts. That's, I'm sure where the Joker is! Right off Big Finger Highway!" Robin punched his left green gloved fist into his right palm. "HOLY JOY BUZZER BATMAN, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR!" shouted Robin. "Right, everybody! Let's go!" shouted Batman.

And with that the group turned and raced for the Batmobile or Batgirl raced for the Batcycle.

ACT FOUR-

Inside the main area of the purple hideout, the whole place was seemingly empty.

Outside the Penguin was hiding behind a thick rose bush. "This is it," the Penguin thought to himself, "if the Joker doesn't kill Batman this time then I will!"

The Batmobile and the Batcycle both drove up and braked outside the purple building.

Bozo was asleep in the car, between Batman and Robin

_Bozo and the troupe of clowns all ran around the ring kicking each other in the shins,_ _with their funny looking, colourful, oversized clown shoes.__ The children in the audience all laughed and clapped and cheered. The many, many, many clowns all jumped all about the small circus ring trying to kick each other in the shins over and over again. _

_Bozo finally jumped up to the top of the seats of the children in the audience and he ran all around the tops of the..._

Bozo awoke with a start in the Batmobile. Batman was standing outside the Batmobile holding the blue cannister in Bozo's face. "C'mon Bozo let's go," Batman said, as the clown stepped out of the car and followed Batman, and Robin and Batgirl towards the front entrance of the purple building.

As the caped crusaders moved towards the building, Bozo suddenly turned around and walked in his silly clown walk around the left side of the building.

Inside the building, the caped trio moved carefully over the crooked purple floor of the shady abode. All three kept looking with caution about themselves. The whole room appeared to be empty. "Where's Bozo?" asked Robin as he looked around for the clown. Batman and Batgirl didn't hear and just kept slowly and carefully glancing around their new surroundings. Robin crept at the left side of Batman while Batgirl moved at the right.

Suddenly, entire purple wall right in front of the trio slid open, by moving upwards, and the Joker and his entire gang all appeared, jumping up and down laughing uncontrollably and in a very merry way.

Then from behind the group, came this massive red balloon with a massive black smiley face on it. The balloon zoomed all around room, and this recorded voice of Harley Quinn came from the balloon and told a whole series of bad jokes, all the while some black laser beams shot out of the balloon and struck all three crime fighters in the chests repeatedly. "Holy Tom Corbett Batman, what the heck is this is!" "Why did the chicken cross the road?" the recorded voice of Harley Quinn came from the balloon. Batman, and Robin and Batgirl and began collapsing to their knees as the black laser beams kept on coming from the balloon and zapping them in their chests. "It's a little clown weopon I saved for a rainy day boy...uh...man wonder!" shouted the Joker with a big merry grin, "the balloon tells bad jokes which, in conjunction with the black laser beams, ultimately causes a person to die for lack of laughter. Goodbye Batman! FINALLY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The caped trio tried putting their hands over their ears. "What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?" Harley Quinn's recorded voice came from the balloon, "here come the elephants." The caped trio were down on their hands and knees now. "It's no good Batman, " said Robin, weakly and his face turning green, "I'm feeling sicker and weaker by the minute. Those jokes are awful and I can't laugh. I think this time we're finished." "Yes, I think this time," agreed Batman as he was down on his stomach and face on the floor as was Batgirl. The Joker and his gang all jumped up and down laughing louder by the minute. "Here's a dirty joke," Harley Quinn's recorded voice came from the red balloon flying all about the purple room, " a boy fell in the mud!" "Ugh!" shouted Batgirl, as the black laser beams continued to shoot into her body as they did Batman and Robin.

Then, Bozo the clown came charging into the room, knocking down the Joker and his gang in the process. Bozo was riding on a giant sized, powder blue ball which rolled down everyone of the Joker's gang. The Joker and whole gang all shouted in fear. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the Joker. Bozo the clown just laughed. He whipped out a needle and jabbed it into the balloon, as soon as the ball took him towards it. The balloon exploded into a vast array of yellow confetti. The Joker and his gang all lay outcold on the floor. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,"grunted the Joker as he lay on his back on the floor in a stupour. Batman, and Robin and and Batgirl all slowly got back on their feet and looked with surprise at the giant blue ball that Bozo was riding on and laughing. "Hey guys!" Bozo laughed to the caped crusaders, "I knew that clowns kept a secret cache of clown toys out back so I figured I find one, just in case you lot had some trouble." Batman grinned gratefully at Bozo. "Thanks Bozo," the caped crusader said. "Like I said Batman, " repeated Bozo, "it takes a clown to know and beat a clown."

Outside the purple house the Penguin still kept hiding in the bushes and watching in disappointment, as every single one of the Joker gang went flying out of the wall of the building and into the grass outside. A sound of fists always came before the person came out flying. The Joker came flying out of the wall last. the whole gang lay in the night grass totally out cold.

Finally, Batman, Robin and Batgirl and Bozo all came walking out of the purple building from behind the building,and stepped over all the sleeping members of the Joker gang and the Joker himself. "Ok that's it then," Batman smiled, "I'll call Commissioner Gordon to collect the Joker's gang and that will be about it."

The Penguin watched the caped crusaders from behind his hiding place. His teeth gritted. A very angry and determined look on his face. He bit down hard on the white cigarette. "No! The Joker failed again to kill Batman!" the Penguin thought to himself with a deep and very hostile scowl, "now's the time for me to finally finish him off!"

The caped crusaders and Bozo the clown all moved towards the Batmobile and the Batcycle. All three were laughing and joking amongst themselves. "Those jokes were terrible," said Robin.

The Penguin just sat and watched the foursome. His eyes particularly zeroed in on Batman. He gritted his teeth. "Now, is the time," he thought to himself, "now is the time to kill Batman! Now I can finally kill Batman! Now! Now is the time!I can finally get rid of Batman! I can finally kill Batman! Now is the time to kill Batman! Now is the time to kill Batman! Now is the time to kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! i can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! i can finally kill Batman! i can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill Batman! I can finally kill batman! I can finally kill Batman!"

At that moment, the Penguin leaped up into the air and landed right behind the Batcycle. Batman and Robin and Batgirl all made startled and surprised glances in the direction the sound had come from.

The Penguin reached into his black coat and white shirt and took out a long, black umbrella. "KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!" shouted the Penguin, "NOW YOU DIE BATMAN! KWA! KWA!KWA!" The Penguin aimed the umbrella right at Batman. Batman just looked with shock, as a large, black and blue striped dart flew out of the tip of the closed umbrella and struck Batman square in the left pec of his chest. "Cyanide dart Batman!" bragged the Penguin loudly, as Batman looked down with shock at the dart stuck in his chest and then slowly fell over on his back, "AT LAST! I FINALLY ZAPPED BATMAN!" The Penguin raised up both his arms high into the Gotham night sky and then ran and wobbled deep into the night. "KWA! KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!KWA!"

Batman lay on the grass on his back amongst all the sleeping members of the Joker gang and the Joker himself. Bozo just stood there looking down sadly at the dying Batman. Robin and Batgirl both kneeled down to Batman, looking at him with looks of sadness and sorrow. "Bat...man," whimpered Robin as his face drooped into sadness and he looked into Batman's eyes. "Batman," cried Batgirl, "oh no." "Carry on the tradition of keeping Gotham safe from it's enemies," Batman gave his last order to his junior partner, "it's...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...up...to...you...now." His deep voice faded as his eyes began closing, "take...care. To...the...Batpoles...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." And with that Batman was gone. Robin and Batgirl just kneeled besides the body for a few minutes looking down at it sadly.

EPILOGUE-

_Selena Kyle just lay on her bed sobbing over and over again, Her tears streaming down her white and blue blouse._

_Alfred just sat sullenly and quietly in the den behind the Shakespeare bust. he shook his head as tears streamed down his black suit._

_Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon and Vicki Vale just walked together, slowly all around the outside of Wayne Manor in the afternoon sun. Dick wore his best black suit and tie and Barbara wore a light green track suit._ "_So I was right about Bruce after all," Vicki told Dick and Barbara, Vicki wore a beautiful white skirt and red sweater and vest, "I knew it."_

_Commissioner Gordon and Chief O Hara just stood quietly in the commissioner's office that sunny afternoon day, both of them staring down at the floor together, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Both men wore black suits._

_Dick walked into the den, he pressed the button on the bust. _

_Nightwing slid down off the Batpoles and and jumped down to the cavefloor. "I'm Nightwing now!" the thirty something man thought to himself, as he ran across the Batcave wearing his new dark blue costume and mask._

_Selena Kyle just stood by her bedroom window in Wayne Manor and looked out over the pretty grassy lawn. Her gold and white dress shimmering in the sunlight. "Da, da, da, da, da, da, da...BATMAN!" she sang outloud then._


End file.
